8 Things You Need To Know For August 8
Including an influx of fake rapid tests & fighting your partner's low sex drive.
Comedian Hasan Minhaj. Right: Those delightfully bland chocolates known as Smarties.
Good morning — Andrew from Narcity here! Hope you all had a great weekend. ☕
Off The Top: After recently expressing his love for Toronto, the ever-perceptive stand-up comic Hasan Minhaj labelled Montreal a "meh" city, noting that Quebec's largest metropolis contains "a lot of French energy." Now, why on earth would that be?
Psst... You can now sign up for the (far superior) email version of the Canada Morning Brief right here.
In Case You Missed It
1. I Guess We Have To Look Out For Fake Rapid Tests Now
Health Canada is warning that counterfeit COVID-19 rapid testing kits are currently in circulation, and it's not readily apparent that these dupes aren't the real deal, Alex Arsenych reports. Ontarians in particular seem to be the target for the fake 25-packs sold online by a company called Healthful Plus. Here's how to distinguish the counterfeit packs from authentic tests.
- My Take: Whoever made these fake kits should be required to personally use every last deep nasal swab until the unapproved materials are all accounted for.
2. What To Do About Your Partner's Low Sex Drive
In the latest edition of Cheaper Than Therapy, a reader asks what to do about a boyfriend whose appetite for physical intimacy has waned after a recent bout of COVID-19. Complicating matters, the drop in frequency happened to align with the dreaded (and loosely defined) end of the relationship's honeymoon stage. With an assist from a sex therapist, Brooke Houghton takes us through the remedies for a plummeting sex drive.
- My Take: Natural aphrodisiacs like chocolate and oysters can be used to great effect (though chocolate-covered oysters produce the opposite of the intended result).
- Rewind: Missed the previous edition of Cheaper Than Therapy? Here's what Brooke had to say about whether messaging OnlyFans creators constitutes cheating on your partner.
3. Canadian Snacks They Don't Sell In The States
Although Canada and the United States share the world's longest international border, we're all well aware that things move a little differently up in the Great White North. That includes the snack aisle; while the Americans seemingly have the market cornered on over-the-top candy, Tristan Wheeler notes seven iconic Canadian confections that you simply can't find south of the border.
- My Take: No company has put a friendlier spin on microplastics than the folks behind Kinder Surprise.
What Else You Need To Know Today
🎉 HOLIDAYS
Happy National Zucchini Day; did you know that all zucchinis are squash but not all squash are zucchinis? Impress your friends with that thrilling factoid. It's also National Tarantula Appreciation Day — and I'd appreciate it if you kept your big, hairy spiders away from me.
🎾 TENNIS
The main singles draws of the National Bank Open begin in earnest in Toronto (women) and Montreal (men) today. Katherine Sebov will face Yulia Putintseva after 4 p.m., Denis Shapovalov will play Alex de Minaur after 6:30 p.m., and Leylah Fernandez takes on Storm Sanders after 7 p.m.
🏠 SURREAL ESTATE
With a current listing price of just a hair under $600K, this sprawling 15-room house in downtown Sarnia, Ontario, offers all the space you need to start a family homestead and/or an unsanctioned frat house, Patrick John Gilson writes.
📌 JOB BOARD
The feds are on the lookout for someone just like you — and it has nothing to do with the time you forgot to declare that bottle of Cuban rum at customs. Lisa Belmonte rounds up seven open Government of Canada jobs that pay more than $100 K right off the bat.
🎂 BIRTHDAYS
Speaking of tennis, Canada's Felix Auger-Aliassime celebrates his 22nd birthday today, while the incomparable Roger Federer, who is still out of action due to injury, is 41. Shawn Mendes turns 24. NSYNC's JC Chasez (who an astute reader has quickly reminded me is NOT a member of the Backstreet Boys; d'oh) celebrates his 46th birthday. U2 guitarist The Edge is 61. Acting icon Dustin Hoffman is 85.
Thanks for reading Narcity's Canada Morning Brief — and here's to you, Mrs. Robinson. You're trying to seduce me, aren't you?
Drop me a note at andrew.potter@narcity.com and I'll tell you my interpretation of The Graduate's ending.
Have a great day and see you back here tomorrow!